Listen. My heart keeps telling me to listen, but I don't hear anything. I know I'm supposed to listen to God, but what does that really mean? What does that look like? I can practice listening whenever someone's talking. But when it's just me in my room at night... what do I listen to? I try and focus on something steady, like the whir of the overhead fan--empty my head, in a sense. But that doesn't work for long, and I get the feeling it's counterproductive to what I'm attempting anyway. Listen to my thoughts? Those go all over the place! I will come up with some of the most random things... and inside my head, it's quite entertaining. :-) But it keeps me from listening.
I read the first two chapters of "The Practice of the Presence of God" by brother Lawrence a couple of nights ago. I don't think I realized how difficult it was to be constantly aware of His presence! When I was younger, I had it down pretty well. Then I got arrogant, and now I'm way out of practice. It's like dancing and flexibility--if you don't maintain it, you lose it.
That's something else that's been on my mind a lot lately. I want to dance again. I miss it so much. The Lord uses it to minister to me, but He's also used it to bless others and I want that again. When is the timing right? How do I know? Where do I dance? So many questions...
"Listen."
"Yarg! I don't get it!"
"Listen."
"Fine. ... to what?"
"Will you just listen to Me already?!"
Okay, I know He doesn't get impatient at me like that, but it's only because He's God. I get impatient with me. And all I'm trying to do is listen. To something. Someone.
1 Samuel 3:1-21
The Lord came and stood there, calling as at the other times, "Samuel! Samuel!"
Then Samuel said, "Speak, for Your servant is listening."
And the Lord said to Samuel: "See, I am about to do something in Israel that will make the ears of everyone who hears of it tingle." (vs. 10-11)
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