...and because I love you

I'm sure most of you don't read this often (and why would you when I post once a year, haha!); but for those of you who check it more often than I post, here's an update on where I am. :-)

God is GOOD! I finally feel like I am on top of things, but with the firm (and sometimes painful) understanding that it is only by the grace of God. Life has not handed me a cupcake, but with His help, I have managed to make a dessert out of sour grapes. Praise His name!

I had a revelation a while back that I want to share. A friend mentioned in passing that God wants good things for us. And all of a sudden, that truth came alive to me! Without even realizing it, I had been believing that God doesn't want good things for me. I had been living my life in a way that said God wants me to be a slave, to always do what's right even though it's boring and means I never get any excitement or pleasure out of life. This is so far from the truth! God, in His infinite wisdom, knew that we would not want to obey. So He made joy and peace a consequence of obedience! It's a pleasure to obey! He's so clever.... :-)

Another realization I've had is that I am not ready for marriage. I so desperately want a healthy marriage, and one that is centered on the Lord above all else... one that is so modeled after the church that it looks strange... that I must be patient and wait for His best. I am completely covered in scars and several still-open wounds from past less-than-best decisions (I don't like the word "failure" very much these days). But I realized that I also desperately long to be ready. I see marriage modeled so well in my church by so many couples. They are not perfect, nor do they pretend to be. But I see the way they handle selfishness, immaturity, disappointments, tragedy, betrayal, affairs even! And I want to be ready for it. But healing takes time. A long time, sometimes. And it hurts. And that stinks. But praise God that He calls me His bride, and that He will use this time to draw me more intimately closer to Him!

On a more superficial note, I am finding that I wholeheartedly enjoy listening to violins. Whenever a song has violins (or any string instrument, for that matter) I get goosebumps! I love it... :-)

"When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze....
Since you are precious and honored in My sight,
and because I love you,
I will give men in exchange for you,
and people in exchange for your life."

Isaiah 43:2,4