The primary reason I wrote the preceding post was to organize my thoughts concerning a particular matter. Also, if anyone reads this, please use it as a prayer request for myself and for my friend.
I have a friend. I would say her name is Sally, but I know a Sally. So we'll call her Pocahontas. Pocahontas is not involved in the local church. After Butch's series on ekklesia and reading "Stop Dating the Church" I have come to realize that this is a pretty serious thing. I don't think being involved in a local church is another thing to put on your To Do list so you can check it off. I don't think it should become legalistic. But I do think that it is a sign of a growing believer who is falling in love with God and the things God loves. So to not be involved in a local church is a symptom of a deeper issue as well.
Pocahontas doesn't have a vehicle, which makes it difficult for her to be involved to the extent she claims she wants to be. Meet Sacajawea. Sacajawea also doesn't have a vehicle (duh, she walked everywhere with Lewis and Clark). Sacajawea attends a local church faithfully, is involved in a children's ministry, discipleship class, and even attends extra church meetings. I can understand Pocahontas feeling discouraged asking for rides on a regular basis. However, I also think that this is a pride issue that needs to be dealt with. Sacajawea is able to do it, despite any misgivings she might have or feeling like she's a burden.
I have offered on numerous occasions to give Pocahontas a ride. The majority of the time, I initiate this. I want Pocahontas to know that she's not a burden and that I truly don't mind giving her rides. However, she never asks for them: I have to offer. Again, I see pride as an issue, but I sense something deeper.
I don't think Pocahontas wants to be involved in her local church. On more than a few occasions, I have been scheduled to give her a ride to church and she ended up not going. Many times, she oversleeps and claims that she can't get ready in time and decides to forgo attending completely. This morning, she claimed to be nauseas. After all I've done to help her get to church, I'm inclined to believe that she's not telling the truth. The only other option I feel could be possible is that she is overcome with such extreme mental distress over the thought of attending that she makes herself physically sick.
Pocahontas has a brilliant social life. She often stays out late after work to hang out with coworkers. The people she primarily associates with do not profess to be Christians. "He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm." (Prov. 13:20) Pocahontas does not socialize with families; when she needs advice or encouragement, she must go to her peers--people who have less than or equal to the life experience she has.
Pocahontas has had a rough life. It would not be prudent for me to go into details, but there are considerable obstacles that will need to be overcome for Pocahontas to live abundantly. However, I have recently met many people (such as Sacajawea) who have had similar set-backs and are succeeding quite well in overcoming them.
I have known Pocahontas for a while now, and I have yet to see good fruit in her life. I'm starting to wonder if she even has a personal relationship with the Lord. Perhaps she just thinks she does and goes through the motions (on occasion). This would explain the lack of desire, the lack of victory, the lack of obedience.
If anyone has read this far, please pray for me. The Lord is teaching me about boldness right now, and I have initiated some conversations with Pocahontas concerning her lack of involvement in the church. Now, however, I feel that I most go deeper in my attempt to speak the Truth in love. If she is in fact not a believer, the solution is easy! Praise God! On the other hand, if it is true, it also means that I will probably offend her. Please pray for boldness despite the probability that our relationship will be hurt. Please pray that I would speak the truth in love, seeing Pocahontas as Christ sees her and desiring for her to be right with the Lord--and seeing this as more important than my own comfort. Please pray for wisdom in knowing when to speak (or if at all!) and how to approach it.
Most of all, please pray for Pocahontas. Pray that whatever is the root cause of her disobedience, that the Lord would convict her, that she would get right and would begin living from victory instead of in shame.
Sunday, June 29, 2008
...and because I love you
I'm sure most of you don't read this often (and why would you when I post once a year, haha!); but for those of you who check it more often than I post, here's an update on where I am. :-)
God is GOOD! I finally feel like I am on top of things, but with the firm (and sometimes painful) understanding that it is only by the grace of God. Life has not handed me a cupcake, but with His help, I have managed to make a dessert out of sour grapes. Praise His name!
I had a revelation a while back that I want to share. A friend mentioned in passing that God wants good things for us. And all of a sudden, that truth came alive to me! Without even realizing it, I had been believing that God doesn't want good things for me. I had been living my life in a way that said God wants me to be a slave, to always do what's right even though it's boring and means I never get any excitement or pleasure out of life. This is so far from the truth! God, in His infinite wisdom, knew that we would not want to obey. So He made joy and peace a consequence of obedience! It's a pleasure to obey! He's so clever.... :-)
Another realization I've had is that I am not ready for marriage. I so desperately want a healthy marriage, and one that is centered on the Lord above all else... one that is so modeled after the church that it looks strange... that I must be patient and wait for His best. I am completely covered in scars and several still-open wounds from past less-than-best decisions (I don't like the word "failure" very much these days). But I realized that I also desperately long to be ready. I see marriage modeled so well in my church by so many couples. They are not perfect, nor do they pretend to be. But I see the way they handle selfishness, immaturity, disappointments, tragedy, betrayal, affairs even! And I want to be ready for it. But healing takes time. A long time, sometimes. And it hurts. And that stinks. But praise God that He calls me His bride, and that He will use this time to draw me more intimately closer to Him!
On a more superficial note, I am finding that I wholeheartedly enjoy listening to violins. Whenever a song has violins (or any string instrument, for that matter) I get goosebumps! I love it... :-)
"When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze....
Since you are precious and honored in My sight,
and because I love you,
I will give men in exchange for you,
and people in exchange for your life."
Isaiah 43:2,4
God is GOOD! I finally feel like I am on top of things, but with the firm (and sometimes painful) understanding that it is only by the grace of God. Life has not handed me a cupcake, but with His help, I have managed to make a dessert out of sour grapes. Praise His name!
I had a revelation a while back that I want to share. A friend mentioned in passing that God wants good things for us. And all of a sudden, that truth came alive to me! Without even realizing it, I had been believing that God doesn't want good things for me. I had been living my life in a way that said God wants me to be a slave, to always do what's right even though it's boring and means I never get any excitement or pleasure out of life. This is so far from the truth! God, in His infinite wisdom, knew that we would not want to obey. So He made joy and peace a consequence of obedience! It's a pleasure to obey! He's so clever.... :-)
Another realization I've had is that I am not ready for marriage. I so desperately want a healthy marriage, and one that is centered on the Lord above all else... one that is so modeled after the church that it looks strange... that I must be patient and wait for His best. I am completely covered in scars and several still-open wounds from past less-than-best decisions (I don't like the word "failure" very much these days). But I realized that I also desperately long to be ready. I see marriage modeled so well in my church by so many couples. They are not perfect, nor do they pretend to be. But I see the way they handle selfishness, immaturity, disappointments, tragedy, betrayal, affairs even! And I want to be ready for it. But healing takes time. A long time, sometimes. And it hurts. And that stinks. But praise God that He calls me His bride, and that He will use this time to draw me more intimately closer to Him!
On a more superficial note, I am finding that I wholeheartedly enjoy listening to violins. Whenever a song has violins (or any string instrument, for that matter) I get goosebumps! I love it... :-)
"When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze....
Since you are precious and honored in My sight,
and because I love you,
I will give men in exchange for you,
and people in exchange for your life."
Isaiah 43:2,4
Friday, April 18, 2008
Veins Running Fire
Here's an excerpt from a book I've been reading... and that's been making me do some thinking!
The fruit of the Spirit is...self-control. Galatians 5:22
Who should take the lead in a potentially explosive situation? Surely the one God created first is to be the initiator--initiating not intimacy but restraint.
And here's my rant:
It seems like all the stories in this book are unrealistic. It's almost as if she's compiled once-in-a-lifetime stories (like someone winning the lottery) and put them all in one book to make it seem like it could happen to anybody. Story after story talks about obedience to the Lord and how one week later the man of their dreams showed up out of nowhere, crossing continents, to declare their love and beg their hand in marriage. I guess what it really boils down to is, misery loves company. Where are the stories of failed relationships and no prospects? Where are the stories of people who claim obedience yet are walking in despair? But where true obedience is, joy follows. Lord, show me how to be truly obedient.
The fruit of the Spirit is...self-control. Galatians 5:22
Who should take the lead in a potentially explosive situation? Surely the one God created first is to be the initiator--initiating not intimacy but restraint.
And here's my rant:
It seems like all the stories in this book are unrealistic. It's almost as if she's compiled once-in-a-lifetime stories (like someone winning the lottery) and put them all in one book to make it seem like it could happen to anybody. Story after story talks about obedience to the Lord and how one week later the man of their dreams showed up out of nowhere, crossing continents, to declare their love and beg their hand in marriage. I guess what it really boils down to is, misery loves company. Where are the stories of failed relationships and no prospects? Where are the stories of people who claim obedience yet are walking in despair? But where true obedience is, joy follows. Lord, show me how to be truly obedient.
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Don't push me, 'cause I'm close to the edge...
I am on the verge of something.
I'm not sure what it is, but it's big. It's radical. I feel like I've hit a fork in the road of life and I can choose to do what is permissible, or what is beneficial (1 Corinthians 10:23-24).
I've been at this place before. For those of you who don't know my testimony, I was diagnosed recently with clinical depression and bipolar disorder. A year ago, I struggled with it a lot, and as I was coming out of the funk I hit the fork: Permissible vs. beneficial.
I figured: If I choose permissible, I will probably hit the fork again and have to choose beneficial after learning many hard lessons the difficult way, so I may as well choose beneficial now. So I did. And I had one of the most amazing semesters I have ever had. Life was not without its difficulties, but there was such immense joy in the midst of it.
I am at that place again, but this time it feels like God is taking it a step further.
Why do I go to class at A&M? Is it to learn the material, to do well, to graduate and get a degree? Because those are all selfish reasons. Should I not go to class to tell the people there about the Good News? Yes! I think so!
Now, some of you may be thinking (and I know my parents would say), "But God has you in this place for a reason. You should strive to do well in your schoolwork." Yes, God has me here for a reason. Isn't that reason to spread the Gospel? It sounds crazy, doesn't it? But my life should look crazy! It shouldn't make sense!
What if I gave up everything, all my dreams and goals and ideas of what life should look like to devote my time to sharing the Gospel with everyone I meet. What would my life look like? I would probably look like a bum to most people. However, I feel like I would look a lot like Paul. Living Hope did a skit a while back about being weird. We're supposed to look weird for Christ's sake (no pun intended).
I feel like I'm standing on the edge of a cliff and God is telling me, "Jump, my daughter. I'll catch you." There are butterflies in my stomach... I'm scared, but I know I'll be okay. I also know that when all is said and done (me being the adrenaline junkie that I am) I will be thrilled and want to do it all over again.
How do you explain all this to people who simply exist? I don't think you can. I think only people who are really living the life that is truly life (1 Timothy 6:19) will understand it. So if none of this makes sense to you, or you think I'm crazy, you should probably go jump off a cliff. :-)
I am.
I'm not sure what it is, but it's big. It's radical. I feel like I've hit a fork in the road of life and I can choose to do what is permissible, or what is beneficial (1 Corinthians 10:23-24).
I've been at this place before. For those of you who don't know my testimony, I was diagnosed recently with clinical depression and bipolar disorder. A year ago, I struggled with it a lot, and as I was coming out of the funk I hit the fork: Permissible vs. beneficial.
I figured: If I choose permissible, I will probably hit the fork again and have to choose beneficial after learning many hard lessons the difficult way, so I may as well choose beneficial now. So I did. And I had one of the most amazing semesters I have ever had. Life was not without its difficulties, but there was such immense joy in the midst of it.
I am at that place again, but this time it feels like God is taking it a step further.
Why do I go to class at A&M? Is it to learn the material, to do well, to graduate and get a degree? Because those are all selfish reasons. Should I not go to class to tell the people there about the Good News? Yes! I think so!
Now, some of you may be thinking (and I know my parents would say), "But God has you in this place for a reason. You should strive to do well in your schoolwork." Yes, God has me here for a reason. Isn't that reason to spread the Gospel? It sounds crazy, doesn't it? But my life should look crazy! It shouldn't make sense!
What if I gave up everything, all my dreams and goals and ideas of what life should look like to devote my time to sharing the Gospel with everyone I meet. What would my life look like? I would probably look like a bum to most people. However, I feel like I would look a lot like Paul. Living Hope did a skit a while back about being weird. We're supposed to look weird for Christ's sake (no pun intended).
I feel like I'm standing on the edge of a cliff and God is telling me, "Jump, my daughter. I'll catch you." There are butterflies in my stomach... I'm scared, but I know I'll be okay. I also know that when all is said and done (me being the adrenaline junkie that I am) I will be thrilled and want to do it all over again.
How do you explain all this to people who simply exist? I don't think you can. I think only people who are really living the life that is truly life (1 Timothy 6:19) will understand it. So if none of this makes sense to you, or you think I'm crazy, you should probably go jump off a cliff. :-)
I am.
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