Listen.

Confession

2009-07-02T11:24:00.004-05:00

I have a confession to make.

Like any confession, it's one I'm not proud of and I'm nervous about making.

I have an addiction.

It creeps up most when I'm traveling in my car for long lengths of time. I usually stop by a random gas station and then... addiction happens.

It's a hard addiction to have. Not just any gas station will do. I've only found a small handfull. But when I find just the right one...

It makes me happy. It makes me content. I don't focus on the long drive anymore or how I've listened to this CD fifty times already. Just me and my addiction. Together. What's so bad about that, right?

I know what you're thinking. But it's not coffee. That's a given. Don't need to confess that one.

Strawberry sour punch straws.

*choir of angels sing*

They make my teeth hurt, but I don't care. They make my jaws hurt when I pucker from the initial sour, but the following sweet is so... sweet... I just don't care.

I have a method. It's part of the addiction.

I eat a bite at a time. Usually about 2-3 inches of straw.

I suck all the sour off, then with my teeth, I bite open the straw so it lays flat in my mouth. There's extra sweet goo in the middle you can get to if you do this. So wonderful...

Then I chew and swallow.

Chewing poses its difficulties. Especially when I'm several straws into the package (which always comes with 10 straws, by the way).

As I've already pointed out, these delicacies are especially hard to find. Not all gas stations have them. But when they do... I stock up.

I like to couple this addiction with another one--liquor.

Good, cold, hard liquor with my strawberry sour punch straws. Nothing beats it.

Let me clarify something, for those of you who don't know me very well.

Liquor=cherry coke.

And it's okay; my parents know about this addiction. In fact, my mother's very words were, "I will not support any of your addictions...except coke." Viola! Addiction supported!

Not just regular liquor, though. It's gotta be the hard stuff (Hard=cherry, for those of you not catching onto this metaphor). I love the bite. *roar* It's so good.

So there you have it. My confession. And while I'm at it, another confession: I wasn't really nervous about making this one. :-)

God-sized hole

2009-06-26T13:22:00.002-05:00

The other day a man knocks on my door. So, naturally, I answered it. He was from the Houston Chronicle and, long story short, I've got a free summer subscription to the Houston Chronicle's Sunday paper.

We got our first one recently, and I was reading an article in the Parade about Shia LeBeouf, the kid from the Transformers movie. It was a really sad article, but he said some things that really shocked me.

The article says, "When LaBeouf is feeling insecure, he sometimes stops his bike on the side of a busy road to see if people passing by recognize him. He is scared that they won't." I don't know about any of you guys, but I know that I grew up wondering what it would be like to be famous. I thought about all the screaming fans following you everywhere and how that would make me feel less insecure. Deep down, I knew it wouldn't work, but you can't help but wonder. You read articles about celebrities and they always say things like, "I'm just like everyone else. I'm just a normal person," but I think this article tells the real story.

Shia says, "I don't handle fame well. Most actors on most days don't think they're worthy." But here comes the clincher. "I have no idea where this insecurity comes from, but it's a God-sized hole. If I knew, I'd fill it, and I'd be on my way."

Raise your hand if you now want to share the Gospel with Shia LeBeouf. I know I sure do! He's looking for the answer--he says he wants it! Lord, I pray that You would send someone with the Answer to his problems, his insecurity, his sin-filled life. Use him to transform a worldly market into one that brings You glory.

In related news, I no longer desire to be a celebrity. I'm sure you're all relieved. It's okay, I'm just not tall enough. *Sigh* I'll save that for the little bro'. :-)

Slow Day

2009-06-24T15:59:00.004-05:00

I told myself I'd never do it. But I'm doing it. Because it's so slow today--two posts in one day. *gasp* I know, I know, but here it is, regardless.

Today I became a Master Shredder. Yesterday, I was the Flash Drive Finder, but today--today I am the Master Shredder [teenage mutant ninja turtles plays softly in the background].

I am in charge of the shredder. When the trash can receptacle gets full, I pull out the bag, tie it up, and place it out in the hall. Today, there were three (yes, count 'em), 3 bags full of shredded paper. That I shredded. The Master Shredder.

Yesterday, I was the Flash Drive Finder. That entailed sifting through over 20 lost flash drives to try and find their owners. And find them I did! It was scary, not knowing what I'd find. But since most of the flash drives belong to engineering students, they mostly consisted of labwork and assignments. *Sigh* No goop on them.

Ironically, one flash drive had nothing on it; nothing except the entire 1st season of Friends. Hmm. Can I keep that one? o:-)

Casting

2009-06-24T09:57:00.002-05:00

"Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7 NIV

I read this passage this morning. It's not an uncommon one; one I've heard since I was a little girl. But recently, it has had a new meaning.

How do you cast your anxiety on Him? What does that look like?

cast –verb (used with object)
1. to throw or hurl; fling: The gambler cast the dice.
2. to throw off or away: He cast the advertisement in the wastebasket.

Throw it! Hurl it! Fling it like a cockroach away from you!

I like to think of a fishing rod being cast. You fling that sucka as far away from you as you can.

The King James Version translates the word "anxiety" to "care." Things you care about.

I have a tendency to try and safeguard the things I care about. I hold them close to me for safekeeping, if you will. I watch closely to make sure things go the way I want them to go. Rarely do I fling those things away from me. Yet that is exactly what we're supposed to do!

"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Matthew 6:19-21

Why do we allow ourselves to hold onto anxiety and cares? Proverbs says that "an anxious heart weighs a man down." I don't know about you, but I don't want to be weighed down! After all, "in his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." (Prov. 16:9)

Praise the Lord that because of his "great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. I say to myself, 'The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him.'" Lamentations 3:22-24

So rejoice! Fling off anxiety and hurl the things you care about into the arms of the Lord! He cares!

In Need of Trousers

2009-06-19T15:23:00.003-05:00

Sorry for two posts in one day, but I had what I consider a great idea and I wanted to act on it before I forgot. :-)

So, as many of you probably don't know, I am gaining weight. This is actually a good thing! Except that now I can fit into all of 2 pairs of pants that I own. So....

Is anyone looking to get rid of pants? And if so, would you consider giving them to me? :-) This would save me the hassle and the money of going to buy new pants, and it promotes unity and fellowship within the body! Okay, so maybe not so much the last stuff, but it sounds good, right? :-)

Zeal and Hastiness

2009-06-19T11:11:00.001-05:00

Choose Your Own Adventure chapter 3 is up! Check it out and comment! http://ladysimonedos.blogspot.com/

"It is not good to have zeal without knowledge, nor to be hasty and miss the way." Proverbs 19:2

zeal (zēl) n. Enthusiastic devotion to a cause, ideal, or goal and tireless diligence in its furtherance. [emphasis mine] (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/zeal)

How many times have we let ourselves get fired up over a sermon that held little Scripture to support it's main focus, then petered out over the week? I think too often we look to motivational speeches to get our emotions and feelings high (giving us the illusion that we have true zeal), and then we wonder why we're not living joyful, abundant lives. I think the verse in Provers 19 tells us. Life is not good when you have zeal with no knowledge. We need to know the Truth, and we need to be reading His love story to us daily. Then we will know the direction to go with our zeal.

I think we also often are "hasty and miss the way." Recently I sensed God leading me to pursue a masters at a seminary. So I got all excited because now I had "new direction," and I got information from a local seminary, began asking local students what they thought about seminary and even started an online application! Long story made short, God said "not now." It's still something I would like to pursue, but I will only pursue it in God's timing. There have been many other times, too, when I sensed God leading me a certain direction and I got ahead of him.

It may seem like a -duh- issue, but Proverbs says this is not good! Easier said than done, right? I think we could also add to the Proverbs something like, "It is not easy to wait on God's timing, but it is better in the long run."

It probably already says that. I should go read all of Proverbs now... they're so smart! :-)

P.S. On an unrelated note, I just vomit-burped kolache. Also not good.

Choose Your Own Adventure!: Update

2009-06-18T13:58:00.001-05:00

Chapter 3 is almost ready to go to the printer! I had originally written the story in the wrong direction according to my comment requests, so I had to re-write. But it's just about here... so stay tuned! :-)

For those of you who aren't in the loop yet, come join us! The web address is ladysimonedos.blogspot.com and leave a comment letting me know how you want the story to go!

Modesty

2009-06-18T13:55:00.002-05:00

I found this article on Heather Hendrick's blog from a while ago. She talked about modesty and there was a link in one of the comments. So I went to check it out.

http://www.therebelution.com/modestysurvey/

This group surveyed guys from all over the U.S. and even some internationally. They ranged from ages 12 to over 50 years old. And they asked all sorts of questions about modesty.

Here are some that I found either surprising, or confirmed strongly a belief I had.

1. "A tankini with a bikini bottom is immodest."
661 guys said yes, while 235 said no. 159 were neutral.

2. "Seeing a girl stretching (e.g. arching the back, reaching the arms back, and sticking out the chest) is a stumbling block.
565 said yes, and 206 said no. 224 were neutral.

3. "Gauchos are modest."
588 said yes, 197 said no. 184 were neutral. However....
Some of the comments included things like:
"Depends how tight it is around the seat area. Gauchos can be much worst [sic] than other pants when it comes to this." (Age 40-49) Neutral responder
"As long as they are loose around the hips they should be fine. If they aren't, then they are a problem." (Age 16) Yes responder
So...since I've never seen any gauchos that weren't tight around the hips/booty area... they're immodest according to these guys.

4. "Wearing pants with words across the backside is a stumbling block."
811 said yes, 71 said no, and 79 were neutral.
This is a big pet peeve of mine. Don't do it!!

5. "The same standards of modesty should apply to wedding and bridesmaids' dresses as to everyday attire."
655 said yes, 190 said no, and 161 were neutral.

Wow! What a great resource to have! Granted, surveys are prone to error, so I'm taking everything with a grain of salt. But it's still opened my eyes to some things that I didn't realize were inappropriate. Thanks, guys!

Confabulation Concerning Trifling Discourse

2009-06-17T14:25:00.000-05:00

I was reading up on regeneration in my Bible Doctrine book by Wayne Grudem (highly recommended, by the way), and I came across these verses. I especially liked the version that Grudem uses:

"A new heart I will give you, and a new spirit I will put within you; and I will take out of your flesh the heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes and be careful to observe my ordinances." Ezekeiel 36:26-27

I really like how easy it is to read this book on systematic theology. I'm not one for recommending books very often, but this is one I will gladly put my stamp of approval on. :-) I get to learn more in depth about topics like regeneration, justification, sin, angels and demons, and man as male and female.

It's great to have a string of Bible verses to look up after every sentence. How encouraging to see people backing their ideas up with Truth, instead of just their own human, and therefore erroneous, intelligence. I confess I get tired of academia quite frequently. We tend to use a lot of words to say very little at all.

And on that note, I end my blog post. :-)

Ms. Watts

2009-06-16T15:34:00.004-05:00

So, I find it funny that people walk into the Industrial & Systems Engineering departmental office and try and talk to me about their problems. Let me paint a picture for you.

When you first walk into the office, the first thing you notice in the center of the room is this beautiful, mohogany-looking desk. It is tall; it is large. It is not mine. Off to the side, is a small, brown desk with a young woman sitting behind it. She probably has her iPod playing in her ears, and is probably stuffing folders with papers. This is me. Granted, I have a name plate. Maybe that throws them off.

But when you walk into an office, do you automatically start explaining your problem to the girl looking at you blankly as though she has no clue what you're talking about, or do you tend to gravitate toward the seasoned woman who looks like she knows what she's doing, sitting at the big important desk?

I would choose important desk. Important desk is favorite. Small desk is favorite also, but important desk is more favorite.

But apparently that's just me.

Titles

2009-06-12T13:30:00.004-05:00

So apparently things have changed some since I last blogged. You no longer have to have a title! It was always a little nerve-wracking for me to come up with a title to my entry.

So, since the title of the entry is Titles, and that's what we're talking about, I have a question about titles. How do they come up with the headings (or titles, if you will) for the different sections in the Bible? And why does the book of Proverbs start out with plenty of these headings, and then slowly peter (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/peter) out? While we're asking questions, why are the pages of Bibles always so amazingly wonderful to flip?! I would say it's my guilty pleasure, but I feel no condemnation over it. :-)

So I've decided to start up my Choose Your Own Adventure story again. I was reading it to remind myself what I'd already written and, man! It's already pretty suspenseful! I just wish I could remember names and future plot details I wanted to put in. I also wish I weren't so fuzzy on the African minutia. But that's okay, because it gives me a chance to be creative again. Can't live on yesterday's creativity, you know. :-) So be watching for the next chapter!

2009-06-10T15:52:00.003-05:00

Woah! Two posts in two consecutive days! I better be careful... I might be starting a tradition. :-)

I've started to read John Piper's book When I Don't Desire God, and wanted to mention a quote from it:

I am addressing the question: "How can I obtain or recover a joy in Christ that
is so deep and so strong that it will free me from bondage to Western comforts
and security, and will impel me into sacrifices of mercy and missions, and will
sustain me in the face of martyrdom?"

He then goes onto quote 2 Timothy 3:12 which states that all who want to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted.

Random poll: Is it creepy to call someone who hasn't given you their phone number? EXAMPLE: Timmy, Suzy and I are all friends. Timmy gives me Suzy's number and I call her. She has no record of my phone number. Creepy--yes or no? :-)

The Return

2009-06-08T16:38:00.004-05:00

I was told I needed a new post. Ta da! Here 'tis!

I got me a new job for the summer. I'm a secretary in the Industrial and Systems Engineering department on campus. Woo fun. But really, it's not bad. Sometimes I have nothing to do, and then I get to read! :-) The people I work with are all really nice, too.

The Lord has recently shed some light regarding certain situations I've been through. Allen spoke last night at church from 1 Peter 5. Verse 10 really stuck out to me. It says, "And the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will Himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast." [emphasis mine] Wow! The Scriptures are clear that we will go through sufferings. But God Himself is going to restore us, make us strong, firm and steadfast!

I'm reminded of a verse that was shared in my Experiencing God class: "Be careful, or your hearts will be weighed down with dissipation, drunkenness, and the anxieties of life, and that day will close on you unexpectedly like a trap. For it will come upon all those who live on the face of the whole earth." Luke 21: 34-35 Maybe not so much the dissipation and drunkenness (although certainly they are things to be careful of). But I have dealt with my fair share of anxiety recently, and this is good advice! Be careful! These things are going to come to everyone, and it will surprise you when it comes!

This also goes back to 1 Peter 5. "Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings." (verses 8-9)

On an unrelated note, I am thinking about taking up my Choose Your Own Adventure story again, assuming I have an audience. Any takers? :-)

post hoc addendum

2008-06-29T12:45:00.004-05:00

The primary reason I wrote the preceding post was to organize my thoughts concerning a particular matter. Also, if anyone reads this, please use it as a prayer request for myself and for my friend.

I have a friend. I would say her name is Sally, but I know a Sally. So we'll call her Pocahontas. Pocahontas is not involved in the local church. After Butch's series on ekklesia and reading "Stop Dating the Church" I have come to realize that this is a pretty serious thing. I don't think being involved in a local church is another thing to put on your To Do list so you can check it off. I don't think it should become legalistic. But I do think that it is a sign of a growing believer who is falling in love with God and the things God loves. So to not be involved in a local church is a symptom of a deeper issue as well.

Pocahontas doesn't have a vehicle, which makes it difficult for her to be involved to the extent she claims she wants to be. Meet Sacajawea. Sacajawea also doesn't have a vehicle (duh, she walked everywhere with Lewis and Clark). Sacajawea attends a local church faithfully, is involved in a children's ministry, discipleship class, and even attends extra church meetings. I can understand Pocahontas feeling discouraged asking for rides on a regular basis. However, I also think that this is a pride issue that needs to be dealt with. Sacajawea is able to do it, despite any misgivings she might have or feeling like she's a burden.

I have offered on numerous occasions to give Pocahontas a ride. The majority of the time, I initiate this. I want Pocahontas to know that she's not a burden and that I truly don't mind giving her rides. However, she never asks for them: I have to offer. Again, I see pride as an issue, but I sense something deeper.

I don't think Pocahontas wants to be involved in her local church. On more than a few occasions, I have been scheduled to give her a ride to church and she ended up not going. Many times, she oversleeps and claims that she can't get ready in time and decides to forgo attending completely. This morning, she claimed to be nauseas. After all I've done to help her get to church, I'm inclined to believe that she's not telling the truth. The only other option I feel could be possible is that she is overcome with such extreme mental distress over the thought of attending that she makes herself physically sick.

Pocahontas has a brilliant social life. She often stays out late after work to hang out with coworkers. The people she primarily associates with do not profess to be Christians. "He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm." (Prov. 13:20) Pocahontas does not socialize with families; when she needs advice or encouragement, she must go to her peers--people who have less than or equal to the life experience she has.

Pocahontas has had a rough life. It would not be prudent for me to go into details, but there are considerable obstacles that will need to be overcome for Pocahontas to live abundantly. However, I have recently met many people (such as Sacajawea) who have had similar set-backs and are succeeding quite well in overcoming them.

I have known Pocahontas for a while now, and I have yet to see good fruit in her life. I'm starting to wonder if she even has a personal relationship with the Lord. Perhaps she just thinks she does and goes through the motions (on occasion). This would explain the lack of desire, the lack of victory, the lack of obedience.

If anyone has read this far, please pray for me. The Lord is teaching me about boldness right now, and I have initiated some conversations with Pocahontas concerning her lack of involvement in the church. Now, however, I feel that I most go deeper in my attempt to speak the Truth in love. If she is in fact not a believer, the solution is easy! Praise God! On the other hand, if it is true, it also means that I will probably offend her. Please pray for boldness despite the probability that our relationship will be hurt. Please pray that I would speak the truth in love, seeing Pocahontas as Christ sees her and desiring for her to be right with the Lord--and seeing this as more important than my own comfort. Please pray for wisdom in knowing when to speak (or if at all!) and how to approach it.

Most of all, please pray for Pocahontas. Pray that whatever is the root cause of her disobedience, that the Lord would convict her, that she would get right and would begin living from victory instead of in shame.

...and because I love you

2008-06-29T11:52:00.002-05:00

I'm sure most of you don't read this often (and why would you when I post once a year, haha!); but for those of you who check it more often than I post, here's an update on where I am. :-)

God is GOOD! I finally feel like I am on top of things, but with the firm (and sometimes painful) understanding that it is only by the grace of God. Life has not handed me a cupcake, but with His help, I have managed to make a dessert out of sour grapes. Praise His name!

I had a revelation a while back that I want to share. A friend mentioned in passing that God wants good things for us. And all of a sudden, that truth came alive to me! Without even realizing it, I had been believing that God doesn't want good things for me. I had been living my life in a way that said God wants me to be a slave, to always do what's right even though it's boring and means I never get any excitement or pleasure out of life. This is so far from the truth! God, in His infinite wisdom, knew that we would not want to obey. So He made joy and peace a consequence of obedience! It's a pleasure to obey! He's so clever.... :-)

Another realization I've had is that I am not ready for marriage. I so desperately want a healthy marriage, and one that is centered on the Lord above all else... one that is so modeled after the church that it looks strange... that I must be patient and wait for His best. I am completely covered in scars and several still-open wounds from past less-than-best decisions (I don't like the word "failure" very much these days). But I realized that I also desperately long to be ready. I see marriage modeled so well in my church by so many couples. They are not perfect, nor do they pretend to be. But I see the way they handle selfishness, immaturity, disappointments, tragedy, betrayal, affairs even! And I want to be ready for it. But healing takes time. A long time, sometimes. And it hurts. And that stinks. But praise God that He calls me His bride, and that He will use this time to draw me more intimately closer to Him!

On a more superficial note, I am finding that I wholeheartedly enjoy listening to violins. Whenever a song has violins (or any string instrument, for that matter) I get goosebumps! I love it... :-)

"When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze....
Since you are precious and honored in My sight,
and because I love you,
I will give men in exchange for you,
and people in exchange for your life."

Isaiah 43:2,4

Veins Running Fire

2008-04-18T14:40:00.002-05:00

Here's an excerpt from a book I've been reading... and that's been making me do some thinking!

The fruit of the Spirit is...self-control. Galatians 5:22

Who should take the lead in a potentially explosive situation? Surely the one God created first is to be the initiator--initiating not intimacy but restraint.

And here's my rant:
It seems like all the stories in this book are unrealistic. It's almost as if she's compiled once-in-a-lifetime stories (like someone winning the lottery) and put them all in one book to make it seem like it could happen to anybody. Story after story talks about obedience to the Lord and how one week later the man of their dreams showed up out of nowhere, crossing continents, to declare their love and beg their hand in marriage. I guess what it really boils down to is, misery loves company. Where are the stories of failed relationships and no prospects? Where are the stories of people who claim obedience yet are walking in despair? But where true obedience is, joy follows. Lord, show me how to be truly obedient.

Don't push me, 'cause I'm close to the edge...

2008-01-27T17:19:00.000-06:00

I am on the verge of something.

I'm not sure what it is, but it's big. It's radical. I feel like I've hit a fork in the road of life and I can choose to do what is permissible, or what is beneficial (1 Corinthians 10:23-24).

I've been at this place before. For those of you who don't know my testimony, I was diagnosed recently with clinical depression and bipolar disorder. A year ago, I struggled with it a lot, and as I was coming out of the funk I hit the fork: Permissible vs. beneficial.

I figured: If I choose permissible, I will probably hit the fork again and have to choose beneficial after learning many hard lessons the difficult way, so I may as well choose beneficial now. So I did. And I had one of the most amazing semesters I have ever had. Life was not without its difficulties, but there was such immense joy in the midst of it.

I am at that place again, but this time it feels like God is taking it a step further.

Why do I go to class at A&M? Is it to learn the material, to do well, to graduate and get a degree? Because those are all selfish reasons. Should I not go to class to tell the people there about the Good News? Yes! I think so!

Now, some of you may be thinking (and I know my parents would say), "But God has you in this place for a reason. You should strive to do well in your schoolwork." Yes, God has me here for a reason. Isn't that reason to spread the Gospel? It sounds crazy, doesn't it? But my life should look crazy! It shouldn't make sense!

What if I gave up everything, all my dreams and goals and ideas of what life should look like to devote my time to sharing the Gospel with everyone I meet. What would my life look like? I would probably look like a bum to most people. However, I feel like I would look a lot like Paul. Living Hope did a skit a while back about being weird. We're supposed to look weird for Christ's sake (no pun intended).

I feel like I'm standing on the edge of a cliff and God is telling me, "Jump, my daughter. I'll catch you." There are butterflies in my stomach... I'm scared, but I know I'll be okay. I also know that when all is said and done (me being the adrenaline junkie that I am) I will be thrilled and want to do it all over again.

How do you explain all this to people who simply exist? I don't think you can. I think only people who are really living the life that is truly life (1 Timothy 6:19) will understand it. So if none of this makes sense to you, or you think I'm crazy, you should probably go jump off a cliff. :-)

I am.

Got a story for ya, Ags...

2007-12-29T21:04:00.001-06:00

Yesterday I went to visit my wonderful friend Kelly Nall in the hospital. I don't know Dallas very well. So when I got the call from her mother as I was crossing the street carrying big, flashy balloons that I was told to go to the wrong hospital (and that the wrong hospital was in a bad part of town), I was a little concerned. Jill Nall stayed on the phone with me and I was on my way to the correct hospital.

30 minutes later, I arrive at the hospital and visited with my heart friend. We realized the other day that we haven't even known each other for a year! How crazy and awesome is that?! While I was there, four other people showed up to love on Ms. Nall. She is one amazing lady. She is also undergoing extreme morphine injections daily, hence the incorrect information. Not her fault. I love you, Kelly. :-)

I stopped by Quizno's on the way home. There were about a million and a half people in front of me, and the line went agonizingly slow (Okay, there were only about 6 people in front of me, and I was probably there less than 15 minutes, but it felt worse).

I get back in my car and make it a couple of blocks. I'm coming up on Lovers Lane and smoke is coming out of my hood. Oh, no...

So I pull into the Jack in the Box on the corner. A couple of gentlemen stop and proceed to inform me that my radiator hose is busted. Cheap parts; easy to fix; good news. But we can't find the crack in the hose so we can't fix it yet.

A couple of phone calls to my dad later, he and my mom are on their way to come pick me up. In Dallas. I study at the Jack in the Box until they arrive, and then we proceed to follow my dad (now in my car) to the nearest auto parts shop.

We don't make it. So we go and pick up a tow rope, then proceed to tow my car. From Dallas to Ft. Worth. At 4:00 pm.

For those of you not from the Metroplex, let me explain why this is so daunting. It is easily an hour from the heart of Dallas to my home in Ft. Worth. That's if you're driving with the flow of traffic (which is at least 5 miles per hour over the speed limit unless there's a police officer nearby). You've heard horror stories about the Dallas traffic. It's as bad as the stories make it out to be... Ft. Worth is worse. And we're hitting rush hour traffic time.

It could've been a lot worse. I could've had to drive. The two rope could've snapped. We could've had to pay major bucks to get a two truck. We could've rear ended each other or someone else. But the Lord kept us safe and we got home just fine. To our knowledge. We joke that there was probably a 12-car pile-up behind us as we drive oblivious 20 mph on the freeway.

So we get home a little after 5. We now have to convince my mom that she does in fact want to go out to eat because we are planning a surprise birthday party for her--her mom, siblings, and close friends are all waiting at a fancy schmancy steakhouse downtown.

So I invite myself, talk it up, and we struggle to get all dolled up in an hour to go and eat at Del Frisco's Steakhouse. We get her there, and she had no clue what was going on, thankfully. She loved it and had a great time. We came home and everybody crashed.

Then this morning I slept until the very last minute and went to grab coffee with a friend from junior high that I hadn't seen in a really long time. It was good catching up, but I was exhausted.

Anyway, that was my day yesterday. Crazy. Praise the Lord that He is merciful and gracious. He kept us safe and sane. Worthy is His name. Heh, I'm a poet. :-)

Power

2007-12-16T15:52:00.000-06:00

"But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you..." Acts 1:8a

"And these signs will accompany those who believe: In My name they will drive out demons; they will speak in new tongues; they will pick up snakes with their hands; and when they drink deadly poison, it will not hurt them at all; they will place their hands on sick people, and they will get well." Mark 16:17-18

"I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in Me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father." John 14:12

"No, in all these things [trouble, hardship, persecution, famine, nakedness, danger or sword] we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us." Romans 8:37

Good cop, bad cop

2007-12-06T14:18:00.000-06:00

I was driving through College Station the other day when I spotted a police car coming down the other side of the road towards me.

I immediately tensed. It was almost a reflex.

But then I checked my speedometer. I was going the speed limit. Why did I get nervous? I knew I was going the speed limit... that's why I set my cruise control on it.

Why do we get nervous when we see cops? Why is that such a reflex? Granted, there are myriads of stories out there about police officers that take advantage of people, giving unreasonable tickets, etc. But there are just as many times when the opposite happens. I hear about lots of people getting off with warnings. Or they actually were going 15 over the speed limit and deserved the ticket. Or they were going 15 over the speed limit and got only a warning anyway.

Why do we have such a fear of man? What is it about others that controls us so much? Why is it so difficult to fear the Lord, and Him only?

"Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ." Galatians 1:10

Harry Potter and the Library Curse

2007-11-27T08:35:00.000-06:00

I had two dreams last night, and they're good 'uns, so I'm going to type them up. :-)

In the first dream, I am Harry Potter. Only, I turn myself into a dog. See, I get home (which reminds me of the tube-like structures one would see in a McDonald's playground) and there's a note waiting for me. It says, "Get out of your house and into this bag as quick as you can!" So I leave my nodule, go into the next one, and zip myself into this body bag-esque thing. It turns me into a dog, and next thing I know Ron, Hermione, and a professor (McGonagall? I'm not sure) meet me at my new nodule. But they're all animals, too! Which, apparently, is normal because we then march down to the library.

The professor is putting us on a mission, and we will need some non-fiction books to help us. We're going to steal them and then head out on the mission (we are obviously not believers, as there is no conviction by the Holy Spirit concerning our actions). The professor places a spell on us to keep the other library patrons away from us, but we must stay in the non-fiction section! If we venture into the fiction section, it will arouse the curiosity of those in the library, possibly alerting them to our intentions!

Unfortunately, I am too interested in fiction novels and wander off. An unsuspecting library patron thinks I work at the library and comes to ask me where to put his book back, but as he steps within the spell-zone, he becomes attached to me! He can't leave my side! Apparently, if you get too close, the spell has the opposite effect. Drats.

So I start making my way warily back to the group, only to find that Hermione has become bedazzled by a fictional section (which, oddly enough, is about the Lewis and Clark expedition. The Lord revealed Himself to them, which is why they disappeared--that's the premise of the book. It actually looked scary. Good thing they didn't really disappear). So we make a run for it and leave. My dream ends after the chase scene. I think I get on my broomstick and fly away. Wonder what the mission was...?

My second dream was located in the courtyard outside the library, but I wasn't Harry Potter anymore. It was just a normal world.

I'm sitting next to Aaron Hendrick, and we're waiting for Heather to come pick us up. But he has long hair in a single braid, and no glasses. He looks rather like a little girl.

We start talking, and he starts asking me questions about God and about sins. He seems genuinely interested, and I think, "This guy/little girl/person is practically an open door! But wait, Aaron Hendrick is a believer. Is he just testing me? Oh well, it'll be good practice." So I evangelize him. And right before I get to the part where I ask him/her/it if they want to pray to receive Christ, Heather pulls up. And Aaron turns back into Aaron and tells me he was just interested in hearing how I would handle those questions... and he figured it would be good practice for me.

So maybe I need to practice evangelizing, hey? Okay, Lord, point taken.

White Flag

2007-11-26T14:58:00.000-06:00

Since the Lord has taught me transparency, and since no one reads this blog anyway, I'm going to use it to vent my frustrations.

I am living a minor panic attack. Constantly. I'm always agitated, restless. I can't focus on anything for more than a few minutes. My breathing is more shallow... I can't take more than two deep breaths or I feel like I'm going to suffocate.

I'm trying to study, but I can't. I had trouble just driving my roommate to work. That's dangerous! I shouldn't even be on the roads! How am I supposed to function?! How am I supposed to live?!

I don't know if all of this is just a side effect of the medicine, and if so will it wear off? Do I just need to be patient, or is there something else going on? And how much of it is something that I need to throw drugs at and how much of it do I just need to wait on the Lord for and let Him do His thing?

I don't know what normal is anymore. What is "normal-people pride"? How much pride do normal people deal with, and how much of what I deal with is normal? What is "normal-people anxiety"? Is it weird to cry and have a panic attack when you're about to go visit family? Do normal people do that?

I don't know. I give up. I surrender. God, I can't do anything without You, Your word makes that clear. I don't know how many times I've given up already... how much longer? I'm exhausted. How do I do this in Your strength? How much have You already sustained me? I don't know. I don't know anything any more...

I'm Listening...

2007-11-22T20:53:00.000-06:00

Listen. My heart keeps telling me to listen, but I don't hear anything. I know I'm supposed to listen to God, but what does that really mean? What does that look like? I can practice listening whenever someone's talking. But when it's just me in my room at night... what do I listen to? I try and focus on something steady, like the whir of the overhead fan--empty my head, in a sense. But that doesn't work for long, and I get the feeling it's counterproductive to what I'm attempting anyway. Listen to my thoughts? Those go all over the place! I will come up with some of the most random things... and inside my head, it's quite entertaining. :-) But it keeps me from listening.

I read the first two chapters of "The Practice of the Presence of God" by brother Lawrence a couple of nights ago. I don't think I realized how difficult it was to be constantly aware of His presence! When I was younger, I had it down pretty well. Then I got arrogant, and now I'm way out of practice. It's like dancing and flexibility--if you don't maintain it, you lose it.

That's something else that's been on my mind a lot lately. I want to dance again. I miss it so much. The Lord uses it to minister to me, but He's also used it to bless others and I want that again. When is the timing right? How do I know? Where do I dance? So many questions...

"Listen."
"Yarg! I don't get it!"
"Listen."
"Fine. ... to what?"
"Will you just listen to Me already?!"

Okay, I know He doesn't get impatient at me like that, but it's only because He's God. I get impatient with me. And all I'm trying to do is listen. To something. Someone.

1 Samuel 3:1-21

The Lord came and stood there, calling as at the other times, "Samuel! Samuel!"
Then Samuel said, "Speak, for Your servant is listening."
And the Lord said to Samuel: "See, I am about to do something in Israel that will make the ears of everyone who hears of it tingle." (vs. 10-11)

Veggie Tales: Into the Unknown

2007-11-19T21:40:00.000-06:00

I have a fond memory from my childhood. Well, I'm not sure if fond is the best way to describe it, but... you'll see.

Sitting down to dinner with the family in the evening was a rare occurrence, but it was known to happen sometimes. At one of these meals we served the basic chicken, rice, and a side dish of vegetables. I ate all my chicken and rice, but sat at the table and refused to eat my peas. At one point, my mom left the table (everyone else had long since finished their meal and went their way). In her absence, I proceeded to take the salt shaker and pour it over the peas, delightedly announcing, "It's raining! It's raining!"

When mom came back to the table, she told me I still had to eat them. Foiled! I was certain that because the peas were now ruined, I wouldn't have to eat them! Alas, it was not the case.

So I sat at the table, staring at my plate... for hours. Finally, as the crickets chirped persistently from the backyard, my mom had had enough. I was allowed to leave the table under two conditions: 1) I would not have dessert, and 2) I would not eat anything until breakfast. That was all fine and dandy with me--it was probably past my bedtime at this point, anyway.

Now, before you get too harsh on my mom, let me tell you this.

I never ate fruit or vegetables until this summer.

Even through most of my college career, I refused to even try new things.

Sometimes, I could force myself to eat an apple when there was nothing else available (aka, I'm out in the wilderness running out of energy and my neighbor has a spare). On an even rarer occasion, I would have a banana (aka, low blood sugar makes me pass out and someone force-feeds it to me). Never willingly, and never cheerfully.

Vegetables were an even less common occurrence. I would eat corn one kernel at a time and gag on each and every piece. The stories I could tell here... but I'll spare you. This post is already long enough. :-)

Then this summer, something shocking happened.

I spent the summer in Zimbabwe, the land of nothing. Literally, there is no food on the shelves in the grocery stores. It has become a trading economy--one lady I stayed with received her rent in sugar.

So I would eat my carbs and starches (I'd cut back considerably on plain sweets since entering college) and small portions of meat. I wouldn't even serve myself vegetables, because I knew I wouldn't eat them and that would be rude. Yet I was still perceived as offensive.

My mom raised me to be polite. It's all about etiquette. You must act like a lady. We sing praises to Miss Manners. Okay, maybe not bad, but you get the idea. I was doing everything I knew to go above and beyond expectations. And then one day my boss apologizes to me--he was offended that I didn't eat vegetables.

But I was eating everything on my plate! I wasn't getting huge portions and throwing away food! I wasn't even eating a lot of meat (which is extremely expensive, if it's even available)! How could he be OFFENDED?! I was going out of my way to be so sensitive to the culture!

I have never knowingly offended anyone in my life. I'm sure there have been times when someone was offended by my words or actions, but I never heard about it. This is the first time I've been aware of being offensive. And it's not a one time thing. It's not like I said something and I can just make a point to not say it again. It's the way I live. My life is offensive.

At first, I respected this person for even admitting it, and then having the guts to apologize to me. And I still respect him. But then I started to get angry that he was even offended in the first place! "How dare he!" my pride said. That lasted about 2 minutes, and then I lost it.

I haven't cried that hard in a long time. I don't like vegetables. It's a texture thing. Tough on the outside, slimy on the inside... who enjoys that, really? I mean, really? I can't do it.

But I'm in their country, not America, "Land of Plenty." It's not going to kill me to eat vegetables. I can do it, even if I don't want to. And I should. If I know that my not eating vegetables is going to offend my friends, then I cannot justify not eating vegetables. It's not beneficial.

So I did. I ate them. I forced myself.

I also still ate my carbs and the occassional meat. But I added in vegetables. I ate salad. Quite a bit of it. Not too shabby, come to find out!

And now, I'm hooked. I love them. I am in love with squash. I don't think you quite got that, so I'm going to type it again. I am in love with squash. Yellow squash, green squash, butternut squash, I love it all. I'm still not a fan of raw tomatoes (texture), but they are divine cooked. Bell peppers are also especially pleasing. Carrots don't really have a taste, so as long as they're not too crunchy, bring it on!

I still don't like corn. It's like celery--in and out, no purpose.

I ate so much fruit in Botswana that when we got back to Zim (where there is no food, much less fresh fruit), I craved it. The group we were with loaded us up on sweets and I felt sick. I used to eat nothing but sweets, and now all I wanted was a banana, nasty after-taste and all!

So recently I was enjoying some quality fellowship with some new friends one night over dinner when the topic of my former vegetable hatred comes up. There's a spinach salad on the table, and my new friend asks me, "Do you like spinach?"

"I don't know!" I reply, excited. Do I?!

So I pick up a leaf and shove it in my mouth.

She likes it, Mikey! She really likes it!

And that's when I realized--there's all SORTS of stuff out there for me to try now! Sure, asparagus smells like bum, but what does it taste like? Everyone raves about my aunt's broccoli and cheese casserole (which I stayed away from because it contained the dreaded green ingredient), and now I'm so thankful for Thanksgiving because I get to try it! Avocado is amazing! I would eat those peas now! And does anyone out there know how to cook eggplant? It's like a whole new world has been opened up to me!

I know most people went through this in junior high, so thank you for reading my novella about vegetables. This has been a long time coming. When I told my mom, she cried. :-) Bless that woman; she's so cute.

Food for thought (hehe): The other day I was cutting up God's gift to mankind (squash) and I was struck by how creative God is. Think about all the things you eat. Chicken, eggs, wheat, squash, beans, carrots, strawberries, bananas, pineapple, watermelon, asparagus, coconuts, avocado, animals, plants, small, large, green, yellow, orange, red, purple, smooth, bumpy, hairy, soft, hard, long and skinny, spherical, ... banana...shaped.... OUR GOD IS SO CREATIVE! There is no way I could've come up with all those different combinations. He's so cool... :-)

I can't believe I just wrote that much on vegetables.

Fear and Snot

2007-11-16T13:26:00.001-06:00

"The Lord is my light and my salvation--
whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life--
of whom shall I be afraid?
When evil men advance against me
to devour my flesh,
when my enemies and my foes attack me,
they will stumble and fall.
Though an army besiege me,
my heart will not fear;
though war break out against me,
even then will I be confident.

One thing I ask of the Lord,
this is what I seek;
that I may dwell in the house of the Lord
all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord
and to seek Him in His temple.
For in the day of trouble
He will keep me safe in His dwelling;
He will hide me in the shelter of His tabernacle
and set me high upon a rock.
Then my head will be exalted
above the enemies who surround me;
at His tabernacle will I sacrifice with shouts of joy;
I will sing and make music to the Lord.

Hear my voice when I call, O Lord;
be merciful to me and answer me.
My heart says of you, 'Seek His face!'
Your face, Lord, I will seek.
Do not hide Your face from me,
do not turn Your servant away in anger;
You have been my helper.
Do not reject me or forsake me,
O God my Savior.
Though my father and mother forsake me,
the Lord will receive me.
Teach me Your way, O Lord;
lead me in a straight path
because of my oppressors.
Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes,
for false witnesses rise up against me,
breathing out violence.

I am still confident of this;
I will see the goodness of the Lord
in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the Lord."

Psalm 27

And now for something less profound:

I think I have discovered a reason why I have trouble falling asleep at night. I don't know why it never occurred to me before, but I think last night I finally put two and two together.

Every night when I lie down to sleep, I get all cuddled up in my five million pillows, pull the blanket up to my chin, get all snuggly and settled. But if I stayed that way I would die. I can't breathe! Every night I have to sit back up in bed and blow my nose to clear the airways. Then I have to position myself in bed just right so that I can actually breathe. By the morning, I can sleep however I want and have no trouble breathing at all. But getting started... hoo boy. Who knew sleeping was so dangerous?!

Now, it's no secret that I inherited the earwax genes. I have to clean out my ears every other day. If I don't, I am probably reading your lips instead of actually hearing what you are saying. I theorize that I also inherited the snot gene.

My sister had allergies growing up, and there were always minor architectural mounds made of Kleenex at key locations around the house: next to the television, in the bathroom, next to the phone, in the seat of the recliner. We joked that she had the snot gene.

When I am crying and someone hands me one Kleenex, it almost makes me laugh. I mean, seriously? Who can use just one?! Not me... three, at least. And that's if I am really maximizing the space of the Kleenex. After watching my sister all these years, I have it down to an art. You can fold it over at least 3 times, and then use the outside to wipe any remaining residue. Then repeat (x 12).

So apparently I also inherited the snot gene. It has manifested itself in a different way, which I assume is why I never made the connection before. She had allergies; I can't breathe at night. Somehow I feel like I'm getting the short end of the stick on this one...

I'm getting old enough, though, to realize that my mother, my sister and I are all basically the same person. They have skinny ankles and long calves; so do I. They have the snot gene; so do I. And the other day, I did in fact find one random long hair under my chin. *shudder* Good thing my mom and my sister also happen to be absolutely amazing ladies (and quite beautiful, too, at that).

Side Note: My sister eventually grew out of her allergies, has an impeccable fashion sense, has a very sweet and patient husband, the most adorable puppy EVER, and I love her very much. :-)

Branches

2007-11-14T23:53:00.000-06:00

"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." John 15:5

A shoot will come up from the stump of Jesse;
from his roots a Branch will bear fruit.
The Spirit of the Lord will rest on him--
the Spirit of wisdom and of understanding,
the Spirit of counsel and of power,
the Spirit of knowledge and of the fear of the Lord--
and he will delight in the fear of the Lord. Isaiah 11:1-3a

[emphasis mine]

Jumpin' on the bandwagon

2007-11-12T23:40:00.000-06:00

I struggle with writing blogs. I never feel like my words are adequate. And it's true; they're not. So I'll begin my new blog by writing someone else's words. :-)

"In my distress I called to the Lord,
and He answered me.
From the depths of the grave I called for help,
and You listened to my cry.
You hurled me into the deep,
into the very heart of the seas,
and the currents swirled about me;
all Your waves and breakers
swept over me.
I said, 'I have been banished
from Your sight;
yet I will look again
toward Your holy temple.'
The engulfing waters threatened me,
the deep surrounded me;
seaweed was wrapped around my head,
To the roots of the mountains I sank down;
the earth beneath barred me in forever.
But You brought my life up from the pit,
O Lord my God.

When my life was ebbing away,
I remembered You, Lord,
and my prayer rose to you,
to Your holy temple.

Those who cling to worthless idols
forfeit the grace that could be theirs.
But I, with a song of thanksgiving,
will sacrifice to You.
What I have vowed I will make good.
Salvation comes from the Lord."

And the Lord commanded the fish,
and it vomited Jonah onto dry land.

Jonah 2:2-10 [emphasis mine]